I’m just a number in your phone.

No name, no photo. Not a letter or even an emoji

Sitting next to the kijiji numbers of the unsold bike that’s sits and collects dust. Like the memories in the back of your head

Just a number I never would have seen. I never would have know. I wasn’t worth the time to drop in a nickname even. Remains just a name. My number you know. The 506 you don’t have anyone else comin in from. But to add is to admit. And we both won’t admit.

My stomach turned. You had to tell me. You had to hurt me. My eyes watered. I was back to basics. Back to that sharp blade. Wanting to take back a lot of things in my life. Replaying things over and over. What will that ever do. Besides learn from… can’t change the past.

What’s done is done. My name remains unspoken. My thoughts live alone in my head. Unspoken. Music soothes. Sent memes. Sent music. Never read. Never listened too.. thinking we have things in common still.

Still my safe haven. Still my happy place. I’d never change that.

You think I’m selfish.. you think I’m doing this for attention.. no one knows!?!? How the fuck could it be for attention if I don’t tell anyone. If I keep it to myself?!? Huh

Ask ask yourself that mom.

I’m not selfish. The only reason I’m still on this fucking planet is because I can’t leave my sisters and nieces and rest of my family here. I can’t put you through what we’ve gone through. Especially because I’m pretty sure they actually love me. Usually.

Maybe im wrong. Maybe everyone would be better off. Only way to find out is to leave. And to leave is to never come back. It’s not a science experiment. I can’t come back just to prove something

But seriously. Selfish is last on my list. I am sad. I am worried. I am depressed. I do want to leave. I am putting everything I feel aside to be here. So be selfless. I’m keeping it in and quiet to not disrupt anyone. Do you understand?

Suicide is real. It’s close. And it’s going to happen.

An artist takes a brush. Thinks about what they want to paint, finds a blank spot on the canvas and creates art.. Depression finds a sharp object, thinks of overwhelming possibilities of everything and finds whats left on the body to create art.

The lines and bumps are a story. Maybe a light story of attention. Maybe a deep story of pain. Either way. Its theirs to tell or to keep to themselves.

Its hard to keep hidden in the summer.. Where do you run the blade so your friends, family, work wont ask questions.. You can’t always blame your cat… And wearing a harness for work, or cooking near a hot stove or table, jeans. All rubbing up on the “art”. Blood staining through. What do you do then?

The pain makes it feel physical which so many of us can deal with better then emotional pain.. Like a broken arm agaisnt a broken heart. We will all choose the arm. That will stop. That will heal. Broken heart.. Does it ever really heal?

One thing… One thing was said… And I spiralled.. Thinking how theyd feel finding me… Thinking how to make it an accident… Thinking is this worth it. Trying to find the good feelings. My happy place… Trying to smile.. Trying to fight this fucking feeling.. These feelings…

But how do you fight it daily.. It gets tiring. I want to give up. I think of it more then food.. Giving up… Stopping these thoughts fully.. Stop the constant fights in my head.. Its just a comment girl… Dont over react. You know he didnt mean it that way.. I know. I know. But He apologized, if he didnt mean it that way.. Why would he apologize… Because He knows you. He knows youll over react… Dont.. Dont over think this.. Dont remember where the sharp things are.. Dont try to find out where the shorts end and harness goes. Dont try and hide this.

darthheretic:

hazama-itsuru:

simplecircuitry:

datani:

If a cat or dog is eating vegan meals, they’re doing it out of their own free will, just saying. Give a dog a piece of Tofu turkey and they eat it, i didn’t force them to eat it, so. 

Give a dog anti freeze and they’ll eat it. Feed a dog rat poison and they’ll eat it. Give a dog grapes, nuts, chocolate, beer, etc. They’ll eat it. They don’t know that it’s dangerous for them. As their caretaker you are responsible for knowing better, not them. If you deprive your cats or dogs of meat, especially cats, you are actively killing your companion in the slowest way.

Are people STILL on about this vegan dog bullshit?

Animals will eat their own shit, I mean, seriously OP, SERIOUSLY? 

My dog won’t actually eat grapes… Or his veggies.

2e1hsb:

actuallyalivingsaint:

borderline-tambry:

cuddlefire:

lameborghini:

why do guys always gotta jiggle their leg in class ……. shhhh shh relax ..calm down…..it’ll b ok

actually this is an anxiety thing that helps ppl calm down/ground themselves. chill. it’s not your problem if they’re not being disruptive.

“why do GUYS always do this thing commonly associated with disability and neurodivergence? ha ha, GUYS, right? ha ha ha this is not thinly veiled ableism ha ha it is just making fun of GUYS, that is all, i promise :)”

Yeah and im a girl and i do it. Where is your god now OP

Genderqueer, AFAB. Done it as long as I can remember. Everyone who has shared a sofa with me fucking hates it. I don’t even notice I’m doing it. Sometimes I notice I’m jiggling both legs, but they have different rhythms that don’t synchronise. Come at me.

I like when boobs jiggle